ATTACK OF THE 50 FOOT WOMAN- Hell hath no fury like a 50-foot woman scorned.

This is Spinal Tap is one the best comedy ever and one of my favorite films (well, easily in the top ten, depending on how you let me classify the Star Wars movies). It's witty, sardonic and a perfect commentary on the music and bands and the record industry. It's smart and funny and has a great soundtrack.

I only mention this because director Christopher Guest should have known better than to get within a hundred miles of this dog of a remake.

The story, as if you couldn&#146t tell from the title, goes something like this: Nancy Archer (played by the blindingly hawt Darrel Hannah) is a wealthy alcoholic wife who suffers greatly at the hands of her abusive, cheating husband. One night, away from the house to escape her crushing life, she encounters a gigantic UFO. When she returns home, she turns into a fifty foot giantess (not a giantess with fifty feet, but one that's fifty feet tall). Suddenly the tables have turned, and now it's time for Nancy to put her (gigantic) foot down on her husband and his antics by going on a rampage.

Yeah, that's same write up I used for the review of the original Attack of the 50 Foot Woman. Sue me.

The problem here is that the script doesn't bring anything new to the table other than improved special effects (which were still pretty low budget) and a new ending with a more feminist twist. The original was poorly made, but the new one is simply flat and boring.

Oh, and that whole new addition of the feminist theme thing? Thanks for bludgeoning the audience over the head with it. Making the same point over and over and over again about "women growing in power" is sure to win folks over to your side. That's exactly what I want in my "Giant Monster Goes On A Rampage" movie. Christ, even the first Godzilla wasn&#146t this heavy handed!

The special effects are vastly improved over the fifties version - we get considerably more interaction between the giantess Nancy and the tiny people around her - she uses the backyard pool as a bathtub, she has a romantic dinner with her husband on top of a truck, she grabs oversized props from people and has a pretty convincing rampage through town smashing in balsa wood roofs and stomping in front of model cars. Of course I'll point out that judging by the scale, Nancy is probably closer to 100 feet tall than the 50 feet promised in the title - so I guess we get an extra 50 feet free!

Although Christopher Guest had already co-wrote Spinal Tap and would go on to write and direct Waiting for Guffman and Best in Show, he fails to make 50 Foot Woman very compelling at all. Perhaps he didn&#146t yet have the pull necessary to get a better script, but the whole project is lacking either the spark of cheesy fun or a spark of creativity. In giving the script a new coat of paint and polish, it removed the kitch charm and campy value of the original.

THE DVD -
Originally made for HBO back in 1993 on a low budget, this thing doesn't look very good at all. It was shot on film, so that's a point in it's favor, but it looks grainy and like it was stored under the porch.

THE EXTRAS -
Nothing, no trailer, no commentary - zip.

THE BOTTOM LINE -
I guess I can't really expect too much from a movie with "Fifty Foot Woman" in the title, but is it too much to ask for a sense of fun and a bit o' cheese? Oh well, at least Darrel is hawt.