BATTLE BEYOND THE STARS - Most fun you'll ever have with a flying uterus!

You really have to hand it to Roger Corman - the man knows how to deliver a product. Over the course of the last fifty years - he started as co-producer on Highway Dragnet in 1954 - Roger has proven himself time and again that he is the undisputed king of the B-Movie. Oh, sure his flicks are often tacky and low budget and often known for jumping on whatever bandwagon happened to be passing at the time, but his ability to take a microscopic budget and deliver an entertaining movie on schedule is astounding.

Take Battle Beyond the Stars, a shameless remake of Seven Samurai (or the Magnificent Seven if you prefer) hitched to the rising star (wars) of George Lucas and his space opera that took the world by storm.

For those uncultured illiterates who don&#146t know the story, let me get you up to speed. Meet Shad, our Luke Skywalker of the film, played by Richard Thomas, stuck yet again playing a innocent farmboy. However, I'm pretty sure the Waltons never had to employ a bunch of hired guns to save the farm from a evil space pirate.

That evil space pirate is Sador, played by patron saint of B-movies John Saxon in full-on scenery chewing glory. He comes with all the stock B-Movie bad guy traits - detachable limbs and a hideous deformity (in this case, a freaky birthmark covering half his face). If he had a mustache, he'd be twirling it. As it is, he has to leave some of the scenery unchewed for the rest of the cast like. . . .

Nanelia played by Darlanne Fluegel (who would go on to have a successful B-movie career with flicks like Scanner Cop and Darkman III), who had lived on a spacestation surrounded by nothing but androids and her father's head in a jar. Never knowing the Touch of a Man, she agrees to come along with Shad on his journey and act as useless love interest.

Next up on the dance card is Space Cowboy, played by George Peppard (Need I really mention George's pedigree? Come on, he's freakin' Hannibal "I love it when a plan comes together" Smith! If you don&#146t know who he is, then frankly I don&#146t want you reading my reviews. Go away!). Space Cowboy does exactly what it says on the tin: he's a cowboy in space, complete with confederate flag on his ship, beat-up cowboy hat on his head and a cigar always close at hand. Oh, and he has a wet bar in his belt buckle, complete with ice. How cool is that!

While Shad is off doing line dancing with Cowboy, Nanelia is captured by Cayman of the Lambda Zone. See Cayman is a lizard-man, and a Cayman lizard is a . . . oh never mind. Anyway when Nanelia mentions who they are fighting, Cayman spares her and throws in with her cause. Along with him come Nick and Nack (actually they dong get names, so that's what I'm calling them), two midgets to radiate heat for communication.

Then Shad runs into Nestor - well, more like Nestor captures his ship. Nestor is a collective consciousness hive mind. Since Nestor is bored, he sends units of himself to scour the universe for fun. Imagine if you were bored and lazy and didn&#146t want to get off the couch to see what was on TV, so you sent your thumb into the living room to watch in your stead. Meanwhile your leg is off surfing the net and your other leg is playing Gears of War on the 360. Creepy, but kind of cool.

Next is she of the huge heaving bosoms, Saint-Exmin the Valkyrie, as played by the Tall, leggy, buxom and very statuesque Sybil Danning (Last seen in the Grindhouse trailer Werewolf Women of the S.S.). Again she does what she says on the tin - coming from a race of fierce warriors who love to fight and fight and make sweet, sweet love.

Lastly, but not least is Gelt, the cold as ice assassin, played by Robert Vaughn who pretty much does exactly what he did in Magnificent Seven, but in space. What scenery managed to escape chewing while Saxon was on screen, Vaughn manages to finish off.

The production is of course cheap like you wouldn&#146t believe. I've seen more convincing exterior sets on Doctor Who, the effects shots are constantly recycled (although the models, built by James Cameron - yes, THAT James Cameron - look fantastic), and the costume are so cheesy that you'll think you're in Switzerland.

On the other hand, the story is pretty much Seven Samurai, so it's a classic tale. The movie is nice and short, so there's very little padding to get in the way. And script writer John Sayles had some pretty creative moments, thinking through each mercenary and their motivations. Or just coming up with some very strange and interesting characters, like what you might see in a more "hard" science fiction novel. No, the script is still pretty B-movie stuff, but it's got a nice layer of thoughtfulness and creativity to it.

If there is a flaw to the movie it would be James Horner and his score. Horner pretty much used Battle Beyond the Stars part and parcel for Star Trek II, and as such has a tired feel about it - and I know that Battle Beyond the Stars came first, but I'm way more familiar with his Trek work, so I cant help but shake that feeling. I know it's unfair to hold it against Battle Beyond the Stars, so I'll call this one a mulligan and move on.

Battle Beyond the Stars could very easily have slipped into being total camp and cheese. However, Corman knows how to play things straight enough so they don&#146t start feeding on themselves but not so far that the movie takes itself to seriously. The end result is probably one of the better post-Star Wars knock-offs that you'll likely find.

THE DVD -
Not the best video I have in my collection. There are a lot of scratches and dirt on the print, most evident around the reel changes (you can tell when a cigarette burn is coming up, since the picture turns to total crap). And I don&#146t remember the movie being this dark when I saw it in the theater 25 years ago - but that might just be me. Still, this is probably the best print you're ever going to get of this flick.

THE EXTRAS -
Some, but not a ton, of extras. We get two commentaries - one from Roger and Sayles (very interesting and filled with all sorts of trivia) and one from Gale Anne Hurd, who got her start as an assistant to Corman on this flick before moving on to movies like Terminator (not bad, but full of dead air). We get a fist full of trailers including Piranha, Saint Jack, Fire on the Amazon, Suburbia, and the theatrical trailer for Battle Beyond the Stars. There's a trivia game (that unlocks a photo gallery), some text bios. Not a bad package for a cheesy Roger Corman flick.

THE BOTTOM LINE -
A stupid, fun flick that's cheesy as hell. Well worth your time.