DELTA FORCE 2 - Just say no.

In the Eighties, there were only movie three villains of any note: Dirty Nasty Godless Communists, Evil Towel Wearing Terrorists and Slimy Drug Dealers. You'd occasionally get some crossover, Slimy Drug Dealers that were working for Dirty Nasty Godless Communists (The Living Daylights), or Evil Towel Wearing Terrorists working for the Dirty Nasty Godless Communists (Rambo III) but for the most part it was one or the other.

Since Chuck had taken out the Evil Towel Wearing Terrorists in the first Delta Force, it was time for head south of the border to Costa Unspecifidia to Just Say No.

After taking out a DEA hit team, the government sends Delta Force to snatch Ramone Cota (played by the ever fabulous Billy Drago) and drag his sorry butt back to the united states for trial. Chuck and his ethnically appropriate partner Bobby Payne grab Cota onboard a plane as it passes over international waters, haul him down to the cargo bay and throw him out sans parachute, millions of dollars streaming from his briefcase as he falls. Chuck, being the badass that he is, leaps after him and hauls Cota to safety before he goes splat in international waters.

Faster than you can say "Violated Miranda Rights", Cota is out on bail - but not before Billy gives him a good right hook for his efforts. Unfortunately that just means that Cota now has to extract vengeance from Billy by killing his lovely wife and son (who we met several scenes before, and they had the stink of the walking dead the second I laid eyes on them).

Billy, now obsessed with Cota's death, flies to Costa Unspecifidia to personally extract a pound of flesh, despite Chuck's warnings that vengeance isn&#146t the right thing to do. Of course when Billy is gassed to death by Cota not but a few scenes later, Chuck abandons his zen buddist stance and delivers a first class beatdown in revenge for killing his partner. Much ass kicking ensues.

Movies like Invasion U.S.A. or Rambo or Delta Force live or die by the action sequences they can deliver. The plots are often nonsense, the acting is poor to non-existent and the character development consists of two lines of exposition, and we're willing to put up with all that just so long as the movie delivers on the visceral thrills. The problem with Delta Force 2 is that it fails to deliver on the ass-kicking. There are a couple of good sequences here and there, but for the most part these are broken up by waaaaaay too many scenes of people talking.

Even worse, there's an extended Rock Climbing sequence as Chuck infiltrates the enemy stronghold. As any bad movie fan knows, Rock Climbing is second only to Scuba Diving as an sure fire excitement killer. And ten minutes of Chuck climbing is about nine minutes too long.

I'm probably earning myself a roundhouse kick from the Beard Himself, but the film's director Aaron Norris (yes, Chuck's brother) is lackadaisical and pedestrian. He just has no visual flare or sense of pacing, and the film suffers for it.

BREASTS ON DISPLAY: 0
EXPLOSIONS: 64
ROUNDS FIRED: 2,831
PUNCHES THROWN: 213 (and one roundhouse kick)
HANDRAIL DEATHS: 1
CAR CHASES: 1
FRUIT CARTS DESTROYED: 0
NINJA? No
F BOMBS DROPPED: 5
BEST LINE: " You're nothing but a chickenshit weasel who thrives on the misery of others. And when death calls, you'll be screaming like a baby."
BEST KILL Chuck impales a guy on an Aztec statue.

THE DVD -
Sadly we get a full frame edition - although not necessarily pan and scan. From my reading, I think that Cannon shot all their films in open-matte format, meaning that they cropped the top and bottom for later release, so I don't think we're losing any picture. The framing doesn't seem tight or cropped like you would normally get in a pan and scan print. Not the most desirable outcome, but it could be worse.

Like the rest of the Chuck Norris collection, this print is passable but not outstanding. There were some scratches here and there, but not anything that would detract too badly.

THE EXTRAS -
Sadly, like all the other Cannon Film releases, all we get is a trailer - and that&#146s it.

THE BOTTOM LINE -
Delta Force 2 sags and droops like a 50 cent prostitute in Thailand. There is too much rock climbing and planning and strategy in-between the good bits we all came to see: chuck kicking mucho grande ass and blowing things up really good. Billy Drago does some typically wonderful acting, but he alone is unable to carry the film.

Sorry Chuck, but it t'aint working for me.